Shey's Tumblr

When I was 5 years old…

Wed, 15 Jul 2009 16:23:11 -0400

When I was 5 years old…

Appreciate and enjoy every day.

Thu, 18 Jun 2009 15:21:32 -0400

Appreciate and enjoy every day.

What lessons do you hope to instill in your kids?

Thu, 18 Jun 2009 11:06:00 -0400

No matter how bad things are, somebody out there has it worse

The greatest reward comes by being a blessing to others

Give your best at everything you do

Be prepared to sacrifice in the present to protect your goals in the future — think about the big picture

Don’t be afraid to make mistakes, but listen to your parents/elders’ wisdom and experience to minimize the risks

If you organize your life priorities properly, you’ll find they’ll be lots of time for fun and you’ll still be successfull

Make sure you live by a budget and stick to it

After you set your future goals, be prepared for the worst. The worst may not happen but you’ll be more prepared for unexpected events

Simply incredible.

Wed, 03 Jun 2009 18:26:02 -0400

Simply incredible.

No instruments, all human voices

Wed, 13 May 2009 18:52:59 -0400

No instruments, all human voices

And, how is Norma?

Tue, 12 May 2009 21:43:18 -0400

A sweet grandmother telephoned St. Joseph ‘s Hospital.
She timidly asked, “Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?”

The operator said, “I’ll be glad to help, dear. What’s the name and room number?”
The grandmother in her weak, tremulous voice said, “Norma Findlay Room 302.”
The operator replied, “Let me place you on hold while I check with her nurse. After a few minutes, the operator returned to the phone and said, “Oh, I have good news. Her nurse just told me that Norma is doing very well. Her blood pressure is fine; her blood work just came back as normal, and her physician, Dr. Cohen, has scheduled her to be discharged on Tuesday.”

The grandmother said, ‘”Thank you. That’s wonderful! I was so worried! God bless you for the good news.”

The operator replied, “You’re more than welcome. Is Norma your daughter?”

The grandmother said, “No, I’m Norma Findlay in 302. No one tells me ANYTHING.”

When you’re in “GET ER DONE” mode, you don’t always consider the long term ramifications

Thu, 07 May 2009 19:19:00 -0400

OK- I might get over the outlet in the shower. But I will not accept the toilet paper holder IN the shower.

When the power company told its crew to run electricity to this house, I’m sure they didn’t mean to just stick all the wires through a hole in the roof!

Pretty safe isn’t it? I mean the hot lead is at least a quarter inch from a metal oil pipe and it is almost 48 inches off the ground so children won’t touch it…

Yes- go ahead and connect the dryer vent to the water heater flue.

????

The county inspector had JUST signed off on it. Said it was “all he could do since it was a remodel”.

If you can’t bend metal conduit, just use a few extra junction boxes!

You know you’re a redneck HVAC tech when you use a chew can for a junction box.

When you do not have an outlet box, use a Nike box.Just do it!

Main load, acetone, grits, and tool storage panel.

“Screw that I-beam- just cut it. That is the framer’s problem.”

Instead of flashing the penetrations, install buckets with pipes under the drips.

……..shower and ceiling fan in master bath….”
Hmm.where does the wire go and how much glue did he use to stick that thing there?

The ad listed the house with a “whole house attic fan”. Professionally installed no doubt.

If you can vent ONE bathroom exhaust then you certainly vent THREE!

“I paid an electrician to do it”

“Yeah- it said to use 4- 1/2” bolts. I think these nails out of my nail gun will do.”

“Flashing!? We don’t need no stinking flashing!”

“Look- I had 18” of pipe and this bag of couplers.”

I think this goes to a ceiling fan mounted on the ceiling of a bathroom on the other side of this wall. Maybe.

Supply air, meet return air.

Domino Pool

Tue, 10 Mar 2009 12:47:43 -0400

Domino Pool

Worse than locking your keys in the car

Fri, 23 Jan 2009 22:34:00 -0500

Worse than locking your keys in the car

Can I Borrow $25?

Mon, 05 Jan 2009 08:46:38 -0500

A man came home from work late, tired and irritated, to find his 5-year old son waiting for him at the door.

SON: ‘Daddy, may I ask you a question?’

DAD: ‘Yeah sure, what it is?’ replied the man.

SON: ‘Daddy, how much do you make an hour?’

DAD: ‘That’s none of your business. Why do you ask such a thing?’ the man said angrily.

SON: ‘I just want to know. Please tell me, how much do you make an hour?’

DAD: ‘If you must know, I make $50 an hour.’

SON: ‘Oh,’ the little boy replied, with his head down.

SON: ‘Daddy, may I please borrow $25?’

The father was furious, ‘If the only reason you asked that is so you can borrow some money to buy a silly toy or some other nonsense, then you march yourself straight to your room and go to bed. Think about why you are being so selfish. I don’t work hard everyday for such childish frivolities.’

The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door.

The man sat down and started to get even angrier about the little boy’s questions. How dare he ask such questions only to get some money?

After about an hour or so, the man had calmed down , and started to think:

Maybe there was something he really needed to buy with that $25.00 and he really didn’t ask for money very often The man went to the door of the little boy’s room and opened the door.

‘Are you asleep, son?’ He asked.

‘No daddy, I’m awake,’ replied the boy.

‘I’ve been thinking, maybe I was too hard on you earlier’ said the man. ‘It’s been a long day and I took out my aggravation on you. Here’s the $25 you asked for.’

The little boy sat straight up, smiling. ‘Oh, thank you daddy!’ he yelled. Then, reaching under his pillow he pulled out some crumpled up bills.

The man saw that the boy already had money, started to get angry again.

The little boy slowly counted out his money, and then looked up at his father.

‘Why do you want more money if you already have some?’ the father grumbled.

‘Because I didn’t have enough, but now I do,’ the little boy replied.

‘Daddy, I have $50 now. Can I buy an hour of your time? Please come home early tomorrow. I would like to have dinner with you.’

The father was crushed. He put his arms around his little son, and he begged for his forgiveness.

It’s just a short reminder to all of you working so hard in life. We should not let time slip through our fingers without having spent some time with those who really matter to us, those close to our hearts. Do remember to share that $50 worth of your time with someone you love.

If we die tomorrow, the company that we are working for could easily replace us in a matter of hours. But the family & friends we leave behind will feel the loss for the rest of their lives.

Video

Fri, 12 Dec 2008 13:53:48 -0500

How Fights Start

Tue, 11 Nov 2008 17:55:00 -0500

1. My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, ‘What’s on TV?’ I said, ‘Dust.’

And then the fight started.

—————————————-

2. My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, ‘I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.’ I bought her a scale.

And then the fight started.

—————————————-

3. When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive… so, I took her to a gas station…

And then the fight started.

—————————————-

4. After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver’s license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.

I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, ‘Unbutton your shirt’. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.

She said, ‘That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me’ and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, ‘you should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.’

And then the fight started.

—————————————-

5. My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked, ‘Do you know her?’ ‘Yes,’ I sighed, ‘She’s my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn’t been sober since.’

‘My God!’ says my wife, ‘who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?’

And then the fight started.

—————————————-

6. I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get so stressed and little things just seem funny?

Yeah, well I couldn’t believe it… he was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted,

‘I AM NOT HAPPY!’ So, I looked down at him and said, ‘Well, then which one are you?’

And then the fight started.

New Stock Market Terms

Wed, 05 Nov 2008 19:27:57 -0500

CEO - Chief Embezzlement Officer

CFO - Corporate Fraud Officer

BULL MARKET - A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

BEAR MARKET - A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING - The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO - The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER - What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR - Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST - Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT - When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL ADVISER - A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION - The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW - The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO - What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS - What you jump out of when you’re the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR - Past year investor who’s now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT - An archaic word no longer in use.

Public Service Announcement for Women to Better Understand Men.

Mon, 03 Nov 2008 18:37:00 -0500

Because I’m a man , when I lock my keys in the car, I will

fiddle with a coat hanger long after hypothermia has set in.

Calling AAA is not an option. I will win.
______________________________________________

Because I’m a man , when the car isn’t running very well,

I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what

I’m looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say

to the other, ‘I used to be able to fix these things, but now

with all these computers and everything, I wouldn’t know

where to start.’ We will then drink a couple of beers and

break wind, as a form of holy communion.
_______________________________________________

Because I’m a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone

to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and

moan. You’re a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so

for you, this is no problem.
_______________________________________________

Because I’m a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic

groceries at the store, like beer, milk or bread. I cannot be

expected to find exotic items like ‘thyme’ or ‘tofu.’ For all I

know, these are the same thing.
_______________________________________________

Because I’m a man, when one of our appliances stops

working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that

this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person

gets here and has to put it back together.
_______________________________________________
Because I’m a man, I must hold the television remote

control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been

misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it…..though

one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator…..

( applies to engineers mainly ).
_______________________________________________
Because I’m a man, there is no need to ask me what I’m

thinking about. The true answer is always either sex, cars,

sex, sports or sex. I have to make up something else when

you ask, so don’t ask.
_______________________________________________
Because I’m a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or

have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she

calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever

you got her for Mother’s Day is okay; I don’t need to see it.

And don’t forget to pick up something for my mother, too.
_______________________________________________

Because I’m a man, you don’t have to ask me if I liked the

movie. Chances are, if you’re crying at the end of it, I didn’t

..and if you are feeling amorous afterwards….then I will

certainly at least remember the name and recommend it to

others.
_______________________________________________

Because I’m a man , I think what you’re wearing is fine. I

thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine,

too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it,

looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go

now?
_______________________________________________

Because I’m a man , and this is, after all, the year 2008, I

will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry,

the cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes,

and I’ll do the rest…… Like wandering around in the garden

with a beer wondering what to do.

This has been a public service announcement for women to

better understand men.

American Historians: Is this all true?

Tue, 23 Sep 2008 11:47:11 -0400

History Mystery

Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.

Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.

Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.
Both wives lost their children while living in the White House.

Both Presidents were shot on a Friday .
Both Presidents were shot in the head

Now it gets really weird.

Lincoln ‘s secretary was named Kennedy.
Kennedy’s Secretary was named Lincoln .

Both were assassinated by Southerners.
Both were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson.

Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln , was born in 1808.
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.

John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln , was born in 1839.
Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939.

Both assassins were known by their three names..
Both names are composed of fifteen letters.

Now hang on to your seat.

Lincoln was shot at the theater named ‘Ford.’
Kennedy was shot in a car called ’ Lincoln ’ made by ‘Ford.’

Lincoln was shot in a theater and his assassin ran and hid in a warehouse.
Kennedy was shot from a warehouse and his assassin ran and hid in a theater.

Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials.

And here’s the kicker…

A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe , Maryland
A week before Kennedy was shot, he was with Marilyn Monroe.

Showboating.

Mon, 25 Aug 2008 19:07:00 -0400

Showboating.

Yes sharks are in trouble, but isn’t this a bit harsh...

Wed, 30 Jul 2008 11:19:36 -0400

Yes sharks are in trouble, but isn’t this a bit harsh PETA?

via blog.peta.org

If you ever feel a little bit stupid, just dig this up and read it again

Wed, 25 Jun 2008 14:16:48 -0400

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: ‘I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,’

—Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest

‘Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can’t help but cry. I mean I’d love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff.’
—Mariah Carey

‘Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life,’
— Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign .

‘I’ve never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,’
—Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward

‘Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,’
—Mayor Marion Barry, Washington , DC

‘That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I’m just the one to do it,’
—A congressional candidate in Texas

‘Half this game is ninety percent mental.’
—Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark

‘It isn’t pollution that’s harming the environment. It’s the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.’
—Al Gore, Vice President

‘I love California . I practically grew up in Phoenix .’
— Dan Quayle

‘We’ve got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need ?’
—Lee Iacocca

‘The word ‘genius’ isn’t applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.’
—Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.

‘We don’t necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people.’
— Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.

‘Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances.’
— Department of Social Services, Greenville , South Carolina

‘Traditionally, most of Australia ’s imports come from overseas.’
—Keppel Enderbery

‘If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there’ll be a record.’
—Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

Death by gas pump

Thu, 29 May 2008 22:20:51 -0400

Death by gas pump

Reality

Wed, 28 May 2008 09:19:00 -0400

Reality